Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Sad Today :(

Wednesday is Farmers' Market day. I usually love to get out of the house, to taste fresh berries and pick fruits and veggies for the next week. Today, wasn't my favorite though.

After a few days of 90 degree weather (Fahrenheit, that is, & 20-something Celsius) it is overcast, windy and just a tad chilly. I know, weather is a bit inconsequential, yes? But it's made me grumpy. I am sensitive to the weather for some reason. I really want to move to the coast at some point, as at least there weather is roughly the same all year.

I am slow today. My plan is to work on cleaning the office. I just received my new speakers (Yay!) that should hook into my desktop or laptop. I hope that after a year living in this place I can actually get my desktop set up. While I use my laptop for most things...I always feel the desktop could still be useful.

Last year this time, I spent every hour possible in my office. This year, I live in the living room. I'm hoping that getting the office usable will help restore balance. Perhaps, if I feel that I have my own "space" again, I can focus on things that I need? On the other hand, I feel that just finding a day job would go a long way to helping me desire my own sanctuary. I always thought I'd write more if I had "more time to write" but being faced with too much time has made me realize that "balance" between life and writing--and what that very phrase means--has changed for me. It used to be school and writing, with "work" being the undesirable but necessary variable. Now, without school or work, I want work. I want something outside of my writing, which is not terribly demanding, but which grants me the feeling of achievement. Then, I think, I'll have the strength to face the knocks inevitable to the pursuit of writing.

But right now? I write more rarely than I'd expect. Every few days, something tumbles out. Or I try to focus on blog posts. The blogfests have certainly helped, sometimes they even make me forget the self-doubt for an hour or two :D

That said, I'm really much better at faking confidence face to face than in writing. I think...I just need to get the office straightened. If it's livable perhaps I'll succeed at setting my butt in the chair and getting more done.

There. I have a goal for next week :D


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