I have made painstakingly slow progress on my novel, with no fault but a general sort of distraction. Part of it is a writing distraction, which, ironically led to more achievements. I have written 3 short stories. I am working on a novella, and laying the ground work for another "rewriting" project.
I have also started research for a non-fiction project. We'll see how that goes.
I lack a day job. After a handful of odd jobs, and several almost-jobs (go in a few days and when it's time for a paycheck, and only then, they tell you you're overqualified and should seriously seek a "college-degree job." --Whatever that is anymore), I still have no income.
Without income, I feel so insecure about my material life--not merely my intellectual life. I was worried about whether I'd have food for the week over the weekend. Thankfully, it was my birthday, and so birthday money saved me.
My birthday was another concern. I just turned 29. The last year of my twenties. I expected to have at least been hired for a full-time job by now. I didn't expect "Private Tutor," to be my most recent job experience, though if I could work as a private tutor and make enough to make ends meet, I think I'd love it.
I've gotten over my guilt writing, which I had a heavy dose of last year. I would start writing and be swamped by an overwhelming guilt that was writing and not sending my resume off to vanish across the interwebs.
But I have a line on a few and I'm crossing my fingers.
I'm taking a few classes again, just to keep busy. I signed up to volunteer at the library.
I didn't like the idea of self-publishing for, well, ever. I always feared it was unprofessional, and I've been nervous about if my writing was ready for a very, very, long time. Insecurity. Now, it's coming down to a gamble: what about myself do I believe in?
I have had my confidence as an employee/worker eroded by my 3 years outside of a regular job. I, somehow, have not wholly lost my belief in my writing.
The sort of pittance self-published anthologies would earn me is more than I have coming in now...
I'm volunteering in order to restore confidence in my ability to work, and consider (yet again) a Master's in Library Science. I need a day job, for more than income. I need it to feel capable, to instill a routine. The more practical side of supporting my writing.
But this year, I will do it. I can do it. I am determined.