Goals, Angst & ISWG

This is my first ever ISWG post.  Go check out the list here for inspiration, from all the people participating in this wonderful network.

My Achievements!

I have made painstakingly slow progress on my novel, with no fault but a general sort of distraction.  Part of it is a writing distraction, which, ironically led to more achievements.  I have written 3 short stories. I am working on a novella, and laying the ground work for another "rewriting" project.

I have also started research for a non-fiction project. We'll see how that goes.

My Angst:

I lack a day job.  After a handful of odd jobs, and several almost-jobs (go in a few days and when it's time for a paycheck, and only then, they tell you you're overqualified and should seriously seek a "college-degree job." --Whatever that is anymore), I still have no income.

Without income, I feel so insecure about my material life--not merely my intellectual life.  I was worried about whether I'd have food for the week over the weekend.  Thankfully, it was my birthday, and so birthday money saved me.

My birthday was another concern.  I just turned 29.  The last year of my twenties.  I expected to have at least been hired for a full-time job by now.  I didn't expect "Private Tutor," to be my most recent job experience,  though if I could work as a private tutor and make enough to make ends meet, I think I'd love it. 

I've gotten over my guilt writing, which I had a heavy dose of last year.  I would start writing and be swamped by an overwhelming guilt that was writing and not sending my resume off to vanish across the interwebs.

But I have a line on a few and I'm crossing my fingers.

I'm taking a few classes again, just to keep busy.  I signed up to volunteer at the library.

Realizations:

I didn't like the idea of self-publishing for, well, ever.  I always feared it was unprofessional, and I've been nervous about if my writing was ready for a very, very, long time.  Insecurity. Now, it's coming down to a gamble: what about myself do I believe in?

My writing.

I have had my confidence as an employee/worker eroded by my 3 years outside of a regular job.  I, somehow, have not wholly lost my belief in my writing.

The sort of pittance self-published anthologies would earn me is more than I have coming in now...

I'm volunteering in order to restore confidence in my ability to work, and consider (yet again) a Master's in Library Science. I need a day job, for more than income.  I need it to feel capable, to instill a routine.  The more practical side of supporting my writing.

But this year, I will do it.  I can do it.  I am determined.